I don’t know about y’all and what your reasons are for watching the Olympics. I have my own reasons and these men are one of them. You wouldn’t see me playing any sport or watching sports (except probably for wrestling and gymastics). Someone had actually compiled a list of hunks to watch not simply because of the sport but of how gorgeous these men are – and guess what? I agree with him. So, I decided to copy and paste his post here. You will have until August 12th to catch these hotties.
Enjoy people… I am now just about to watch the Opening Ceremony.
50. Hugo Parisi
Diving, Brazil, 27
Because not all Brazilians are waxed.
49. Vavrinec Hradilek
Canoe Slalom, Czech Republic, 25
He looks more like a holiday ski instructor than a canoeist, right? But I don’t actually know what canoeists are meant to look like. Until today I didn’t even know canoeist was a word.
48. Tory Nyhaug
Cycling, Canada, 20
The Olympic village will eat him alive.
47. Oscar Pistorius
Athletics, South Africa, 25
Sexy cyborg. The celebrated Paralympian competes in the Olympics for the first time this year.
46. Luiz Alberto de Araújo
Decathlon, Brazil, 25
Probably the best smile at the games. (The rest of him is great too.)
45. Alin Alexuc-Ciurariu
Wrestling, Romania, 22
Adorable broad-shouldered Romanian cub.
44. Julio Alsogaray
Sailing, Argentina, 32
Possibly the most Argentinian-looking Argentinian I’ve ever seen. And he has a yacht! Well, a sailing dinghy. You can have cocktails on a dinghy, right?
43. Andre Vonarburg
Rowing, Switzerland, 34
Another tasty chunk from the people who brought you Toblerone.
42. Tervel Pulev
Boxing, Bulgaria, 29
Almost certainly not a hitman in his spare time. I’m nearly sure of it.
41. Tales Cerdeira
Swimming, Brazil, 25
Sure, he looks like a punk, but he’s a punk in trunks.
40. Bahram Muzaffer
Boxing, Turkey, 25
I believe I am contractually obliged to use the phrase “Turkish delight” here.
39. Helge Meeuw
Swimming, Germany, 27
The Ryan Gosling of the German swim team. (And he knows it, or there wouldn’t be moody black-and-white photos of him peeling off his scanties.)
38. Ruben Limardo
Fencing, Venezuela, 26
One of three unexpectedly sexy fencers on this list. Sorry, fencers; I just didn’t know you were sexy.
37. Samuel Piasecky
Gymnastics, Slovakia, 27
This guy almost certainly grew the goatee to make up for his way-too-pretty eyes.
36. Pete Reed
Rowing, UK, 30
Not a fancy dress costume; preppy Pete Reed is an actual serving Royal Navy officer. He’s also 6’ 6”. Tall, dark and military.
35. Valtteri Jokinen
Judo, Finland, 29
Evidently they teach martial arts to farm boys in Finland.
34. Christopher Patte
Modern Pentathlon, France, 22
Remember, pentathletes have to shoot, fence, run, swim and ride a horse, so this guy is basically a French secret agent.
33. Elias Cuesta
Archery, Spain, 27
You’re not going to find any bronzed Abercrombie twinks in the archery competition, but you will find at least one hot bearish Spaniard.
32. Ryan Bailey
Water Polo, USA, 36
Water polo players are essentially rugby players in swimming trunks (and silly hats). So you’re going to see quite a few water polo players in this list. You should set your Tivo for the water polo, is what I’m saying.
31. Nicholas Santos
Swimming, Brazil, 32
Let’s replace the swimming contest with a wet t-shirt contest.
30. Philippe Beaudry
Fencing, Canada, 25
Handsome. Gallic. Carries a sword. Any questions?
29. Drasko Brguljan
Water Polo, Montenegro, 27
Obviously the hot dork of the water polo circuit.
28. Danell Leyva
Gymnastics, USA, 20
Dark Latin eyes. Bee-stung lips. Compact muscular body. A lot of people will be watching Leyva compete. Some of them might care if he wins a medal.
27. Luke Rowe
Football, New Zealand, 20
Luke Rowe is half Maori, which explains why he’s small and plays football and not big and playing rugby. As rugby union hasn’t been an Olympic sport since 1924, rugby’s loss is our gain.
26. Leandro Guilheiro
Judo, Brazil, 28
Judokas compete wearing oversize dressing gowns that frequently come undone during the fight. I thought you should know that.
25. Marcelo Chierighini
Swimming, Brazil, 21
Photos tell me that the beaches of Brazil are basically full of guys that look and dress like this, which makes me wonder why I’m not currently on a beach in Brazil.
24. Peter Mankoc
Swimming, Slovenia, 34
Everybody loves Mankoc! (I believe it’s pronounced “man-kosh”, but let’s not tell the broadcasters that.)
23. Dusko Pijetlovic
Water Polo, Serbia, 27
Big wet goon. Have I convinced you to watch the water polo yet?
Football, Spain, 20
I really hope Isco is a good footballer, because they don’t usually give underwear modelling contracts to the bad ones.
21. He Chong
Diving, China, 25
China doesn’t publish nearly enough good pictures of its hot athletes. Babyfaced He Chong is a rare exception.
20. Bolade Apithy
Fencing, France, 26
Seriously, where has fencing been hiding these guys? Can they change men’s fencing uniforms to something resembling women’s volleyball uniforms, or would that be dangerous?
19. Andrey Amador Bakkazakova
Cycling, Costa Rica, 25
I like that this cyclist’s solution to helmet hair is cute ruffled bed head.
18. Jordan Burroughs
Wrestling, USA, 24
This body really exists, people. This body actually exists.
17. Vjekoslav Paskovic
Water Polo, Montenegro, 27
They have hot flannel-shirted bros everywhere now. Even wherever Montenegro is.
16. Tyson Chandler
Basketball, USA, 29
I assume Tyson Chandler is well known in the US, which begs the question; why did no-one ever tell me about him? I thought basketball players were all lanky beanpoles!
15. Murat Shakenov
Water Polo, Kazakhstan, 21
Evidently there are hot guys in Kazakhstan. This is now the only thing I know about Kazakhstan.
14. Alexandre Despatie
Diving, Canada, 27
Delightful Canadian water pixie. He should play Northstar if they ever make an Alpha Flight movie.
13. Dmitriy Klokov
Weightlifting, Russia, 29
Not everyone shares my fondness for large Russians, but those that do will hopefully appreciate Dmitriy as much as I do.
12. Saul Craviotto Rivero
Canoe Sprint, Spain, 27
God made Michael Fassbender as a warm-up for this tall drink of cerveza.
11. Riley McCormick
Diving, Canada, 20
Alexandre Despatie must be nearing retirement, and Canada needs to hold on to the title of “world’s cutest diver”, so they invented Riley McCormick. Good job, Canada.
10. Sebastian Prieto
Handball, UK, 25
I didn’t even know handball was a thing, but I’m going to watch it this year.
09. Jai Opetaia
Boxing, Australia, 17
OK, he’s too young. But that just means he can stick around and be adorable for at least two more Olympiads (if he doesn’t go pro).
08. Aljaz Sedej
Judo, Slovenia, 24
Is it me, or does he have a sort of Judo Gordon-Levitt thing going on?
07. Koji Murofushi
Hammer Throw, Japan, 37
Presumably one of the biggest men in Japan, and one of my favourite Olympians three games in a row.
06. Daigoro Timoncini
Wrestling, Italy, 26
I like that they matched his bulging wrestling singlet to his beautiful eyes.
05. Anthony Ogogo
Boxing, UK, 23
Fun fact: Ogogo used to be a Big Brother housemate. He’s still the best thing ever to happen to Big Brother.
04. Andreas Miralis
Water Polo, Greece, 24
Better than any Greek statue. I’d like to imagine Alexander the Great’s boyfriend looked like this.
03. Manoji Kumar
Boxing, India, 25
Memo to opponents: Please don’t punch him in the face. Unless he’d look good with a broken nose, in which case, go for it.
02. Louis Smith
Gymnastics, UK, 23
Louis Smith arouses my patriotism.
Boxing, Italy, 30
This is what the phrase “handsome brute” means. For my money, Clemente Russo and his heavy brows and razor-sharp cheekbones are the main attraction at this year’s games.
Based on my ample study, the hottest sports at these Coca-Colympics will be boxing and water polo, followed by swimming and diving. Gymnastics and wrestling will offer some obvious hotness; the surprise hotness will apparently come from fencing and judo. The hottest nation is Brazil, with the US, UK and Canada in joint second place, followed by Spain. Now you know.
Enjoy the Games! Brought to you by Cadbury.