The One That Got Away. A Reflection. Continued…



So, are you ready for the next episode of my story?  To see the original post or Part I, click here.

Yes, it has been 26 years since I spoke to Brian last.  And I have tried every effort to find him.  To reconnect with him.  All in vain.

Two weeks ago, as I was going through my e-mail, I received an e-mail from Twitter with suggested people to follow.  One of them is a guy whose name is so familiar to me.  BrianX.  I looked closer. I thought to myself, “It couldn’t be.”  As I looked closer, it was the Brian I had searched for all these years.  He looks a lot different from his profile picture but I still remember him just the same.  There weren’t very many posts on his account but I saw something that’s very interesting. It is his cover photo.  The cover photo is the Christ The Redeemer “Cristo Redentor” statue in Brazil.  I wondered.

I stalked his account for a little bit but there’s really not much to see.  I did notice that he follows several organizations or groups that are born-again Christian-related groups.  He posted a couple of bible verses as well.  Things went through my mind.

It took only minutes for me to get the courage to send him a message through his account.  All I said was, “Do you remember me?”  I did not expect to receive a message back because his account was not up-to-date.  I figured, he’s not very big in social media.

I had forgotten that I sent him the message on his Twitter account.  It had been several days.  My Twitter account is linked to my e-mail for notifications when someone sends me a message.  I had been very busy at work and preparing for a trip for a wedding so I had not noticed that I received a response.  The message read, “I will never forget you.  How are you doing brother?  Where are you now?”

At first I thought that the response was a bit strange.  Did he become a born-again Christian?  Did he become one of those reformed gay men who turned their backs from themselves because they thought they can be straight once they accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior?  I was hoping not.  But if that’s where he is at the moment, I would respect him.

I tried to send him a follow-up message asking to reconnect.  I wrote my phone number as well and told him to contact me so we can catch up.  But, when I sent the message, I received an error saying that a person must be following you on Twitter in order to send a DM.  My message never went.  I figured, that was the end of that.  Oh well.

Two weeks ago, I was on Facebook Messenger reading some messages from my family, when I noticed another tab with a message.  I guess if people are not connected to you on Facebook, they can send you a message but it will be outside of the regular message area where you normally check messenger messages.  I clicked on the tab.  It was a message from Brian.  All he asked me was if I live in Brazil.

I answered the message saying that I don’t live in Brazil and that I did visit the country several times because I loved the country and its people.  I told him that I got a five-year visa and went there every year for five years straight.  I also told him that I did fall for a Brazilian at one time.

I was shocked when he started typing a response.  Is this true?  My ex and I are going to reconnect because of Twitter?

He asked me if I ever continued with the church.  I knew what he meant.  This was the reason why we broke up.  I have always wanted to become a priest since I was a child.  At the time that I was with Brian, I was still confused whether I should pursue my dreams of becoming a priest or settle with the one I love.  Because of the issues I had reconciling my faith with my sexuality, I opted to fulfill the former.  I chose to leave the one I love to enter a monastery in Washington, D.C.   We had many moments where we cried together because I couldn’t understand why I was so torn.

I told him that I went but realized thereafter that I made a mistake.  To live in a community primarily with good men of good faith will be a downfall for a person like me who falls in love easily with exactly just that.  I knew it as soon as I entered.  Within a few months, I decided not to pursue it.  I left.

This is where the story continued.  Remember the conversation I had with him when he finally called and told me that he was dating a Brazilian guy?  Well, I asked Brian about him.  He told me that they just celebrated their 26th year last month. They are still together to this day.  He also told me that he became a born again Christian and struggled with his sexuality for a long time as well but he is at peace with it now.

Our conversation was just that.  Cordial and a bit formal.  It doesn’t seem like he wants to connect with me as there is no point really.  He’s with his boyfriend/husband of 26 years!  What else could be there between him and me?  It just made me realize that it could have been me.  We could have been together for 27 years if I had not left.  But that was not God’s plan for either of us.  He was meant to be with him and I was meant to be single.

That’s how life is.  We all have “the one that got away”.  My thought is, they got away for a reason.  A very good reason.  We will all wonder why we meet people who could have been or should have been the one for us.  We may never get the answer… but it is okay.


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